Little Matthew Thomas enjoys running around outside, climbing jungle gyms, walls… anything he can find. No matter how many times his mother tells him it’s dangerous to be running around the pool, he still attempts to climb over that fence at least once a week. Every week he gets into trouble, but it seems that he just won’t listen!
Don’t even start with Matthew Thomas in school. The kids all call him Mat for short, but to the teachers, he is “Ma-thew-Tho-Mas!“. He doesn’t sit still. Halfway through any lesson, one can almost always expect a screech to arise from one of the girls because he has just pulled her hair, or is throwing little bits of eraser into her ear. He hates doing homework, and he gets bored sitting through tests. His mother, while she loves him dearly, has long-since lost patience with trying to tutor him. If anything, she’s starting to feel like a bad mother and wondering what she’s doing wrong.
Is she doing something wrong? Or is there nothing she can do about it anyway?
In current scientific literature, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is stated to affect about 6% of children and is 4 times more prevalent in boys than girls. ADHD is behaviorally diagnosed. This means that if the child displays enough of the ADHD symptoms before the age of 7, (These including hyperactivity, impulsiveness and inattention both at home and in school, which lead to problems with learning and making friends) the psychologist can diagnose him with ADHD.
If a child is diagnosed with ADHD, there are various options of treatment, the most common being the use of stimulant drugs like Ritalin® and various amphetamine salts that are effective for approximately 70% of patients. These drugs work by activating the dopamine system of the brain, something that cocaine does too well. Of course ADHD medication at low doses are much safer than cocaine, but common side effects like stomach aches, headaches, drowsiness and heart pulpitations can make taking the drugs rather unpleasant. Also, do we need to pump our kids full of drugs to keep them under control, and make them learn the way we want to teach? Even worse, drugs can change the way the brain is wired, how do we know if the child actually has ADHD, or if he’s just a problematic naughty kid that requires a more creative method of education? What if we aren’t re-wiring the brain for the better? Psychologists now also diagnose adult ADHD and many desperate students all over the world have managed to fool them into prescribing ADHD drugs that also enhance the mental performance of non-ADHD persons.
Clearly there is a need for a biological marker to verify the behavioural diagnosis. Tuberculosis and the common cold both cause coughs, but correct treatment can be given by determining the particular organisms that are causing the problem. HIV and hepatitis C are both immune-compromising diseases, transmitted in the same way, but require vastly different treatments. For a definitive treatment, one needs a definitive cause. And herein lies the crux of this puzzle.
We don’t yet know the exact cause of ADHD.
Leading scientists in the field have done many fascinating experiments to try solve this enigma. Large scale genetic studies say that ADHD is hereditary, but it’s not just one gene causing one problem. It’s lots of genes with little snags, which accumulate to become the mystery that is ADHD. Brain images have shown that certain areas of the ADHD brain are smaller and others larger when compared to normal children. So is the behavior caused by the brain being born this was way because his genetics said so, or did the brain re-wire to become this way to try compensate for the flawed genes while trying to be a good boy? In fact, when scientists compare ADHD children to normal children, did their on-board psychologist really get the diagnosis right when choosing subjects? How do they know that they aren’t mistakenly comparing the children resultant of better or worse parenting??
And that’s the essence of the scientific chase; trying to work out answers to our chicken-and-egg questions. Finding ways to pause the brain, just long enough it to take pictures of signals that happen in milliseconds, and attempt to explain how and why we are the way we are. It feels like trying to catch up with an ADHD child running away from you while you’re holding his medication in one hand and trying not to spill the cup of water in the other. Often, exasperation dominates a scientist’s day, but don’t You wish we could get to the bottom of it all?
Friday, September 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Is there a theory of Everything?
I'm no mathematician or physiscist, but this is how i see it.
It becomes very long-winded when trying to describe how a lot of things all relate to eachother all at once, using their proper long names, so people have decided to use other, shorter symbols to replace these long words. Equations written from these variables describing their relationships then allow us to predict what would happen if somethings else happened and we we don't know some of the variables.
When they try to describe the way the physical world works - because most of it seems quite predictable (and we'd like to be able to make exact calculations so that we can predict costs of building things and whether what we're spending so much money to build will actually stay up and not collapse etc) - people have decided to call it "physics".
So naturally the quest is to describe our physical world. We live in this world, it exists already. (We will not go into a philosophical debate of whether or not the word in fact exists, neither will we go into a neuroscience debate and talk about how the world is perceived differently by each person and how that arises.) I will talk from the assumption that the physical world that we can see and touch exists. In which case the "Everything" is already there. It's not really that outrageous an idea that everything is related in some way or another. It's the physicist's job to figure out what the "things" in "everything" are, and how they all relate, which way and to whom.
A "theory" is just someone's idea of an explanation for something. it needs to be tested to see if it actually describes nature correctly. if it doesn't, then the theory is wrong.
So, is there a theory of everything? No. No one has come up with it yet.
But does it exist?
Of course it does.
Everything exists. if you're curious enough, you may be able to figure out How it all exists together.
It becomes very long-winded when trying to describe how a lot of things all relate to eachother all at once, using their proper long names, so people have decided to use other, shorter symbols to replace these long words. Equations written from these variables describing their relationships then allow us to predict what would happen if somethings else happened and we we don't know some of the variables.
When they try to describe the way the physical world works - because most of it seems quite predictable (and we'd like to be able to make exact calculations so that we can predict costs of building things and whether what we're spending so much money to build will actually stay up and not collapse etc) - people have decided to call it "physics".
So naturally the quest is to describe our physical world. We live in this world, it exists already. (We will not go into a philosophical debate of whether or not the word in fact exists, neither will we go into a neuroscience debate and talk about how the world is perceived differently by each person and how that arises.) I will talk from the assumption that the physical world that we can see and touch exists. In which case the "Everything" is already there. It's not really that outrageous an idea that everything is related in some way or another. It's the physicist's job to figure out what the "things" in "everything" are, and how they all relate, which way and to whom.
A "theory" is just someone's idea of an explanation for something. it needs to be tested to see if it actually describes nature correctly. if it doesn't, then the theory is wrong.
So, is there a theory of everything? No. No one has come up with it yet.
But does it exist?
Of course it does.
Everything exists. if you're curious enough, you may be able to figure out How it all exists together.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Afrikaans is NOT such a nightmare
Dear Redi,
I was listening to your show about having Afrikaans forced as a subject at schools.
There is more than one issue here.
Firstly, even if another official SA language is offered at the school already, a lot of kids realize that it is not a better option, and secondly, students have an attitude problem.
I matriculated in 2004, and my home language is Mandarin Chinese, so as far as i was concerned Afrikaans would be the fourth language that i'd learn. English was giving me hell as it is, so any more languages on my shoulders were NOT welcome. I guess, in hindsight was lucky that my primary school taught Zulu as well as Afrikaans until grade 7, and my public high school did offer Zulu as a second language, so in high school i could make a choice.
Understand that Afrikaans was(and sounds like it still is) a HATED subject at schools. When i started school in SA, i adopted the attitude of the kids around me and HATED Afrikaans in Primary School. BUT we ALSO hated Zulu. In fact, we just simply hated every subject which didn't have a "fun"/"nice" teacher - and the way we classified these teachers into the "nice" categories were not scientific! :p
Anyway, the attitude of hating the languages and various other subjects carried on to High school. The attitude against Afrikaans was worse in my high school than for Zulu, and several non-Zulu speaking students opted to take Zulu instead, and i thought seriously about it too. But the second language is taught at the "second language level", which means that we go into much less depth than for a first language (so we didn't need to interpret "how the author felt when he wrote that paragraph, and how did he communicate this"), but it is required to learn the STRUCTURE of the language, construct sentences and learn to change tenses etc. Most of the non-Zulu speaking students who chose Zulu ended up reverting to take Afrikaans because Zulu is just SO much more difficult at a second language level than Afrikaans is.
The structure of Afrikaans is simpler, and at the second language level, there are fewer rules that needs to be learnt. it is also much more similar to English than Zulu or the other venaculars, so your mind needs to do a lot Less bending. I eventually realized that Afrikaans was in fact the EASIEST subject at school because (Even if i was really good at maths) there were MORE rules in the "Factorization" section in maths than is the WHOLE of Afrikaans. It eventually became clear that my attitude of Hating Afrikaans was unfounded. I was following the feelings of everyone around me, which meant that i was being a sheep - the most disgusting form of mentality in my book. Once my attitude toward Afrikaans changed, it became even easier, and I went on to share the Top in Afrikaans trophy in matric.
The HATE of Afrikaans is an attitude that students adopted from the early years in primary school. I don't know where the other students got it from, but i got it from them. I also thought that it was unfair and stupid that we were FORCED to learn it. but ANY other second language is the same. the Canadians HATE learning French as their second language, the Taiwanese HATE learning English as their second language. Somewhere in their minds they have it that if it's the one subject they do really badly at, it must mean that it's really really hard and that's another excuse to keep hating it. That's a VERY detrimental mindset and it's up to parents to get it out of their heads.
For parents to entertain this negative attitude to the point of whining about it on radio instead of setting the kids straight only shows that these parents have the SAME attitude, and that THEY are infact those who instilled it in their kids.
These are KIDS, they HATE WORK, they want to PLAY. in High School they want to have girlfriends, and cool clothes, and nonchalant attitudes like the stars on TV. They will find ANY excuse to hate ANY subject. These are Very easily influenced pre-Individuals and we need to take care what kind of guidance we give them. We can't just sympathize and entertain their every complaint. They've got to jack themselves up and learn to become real people - who have do a LOT of things that we don't Want to do. Afrikaans is the least of their problems!
--
Jennifer Hsieh
MSc Neurophysiology
Dpt Human Biology
University of Cape Town
+27 21 650 6599
Chairperson
Golden Future Project
University of Cape Town
Cell: +27 82 906 8108
MSc Neurophysiology
Dpt Human Biology
University of Cape Town
+27 21 650 6599
Chairperson
Golden Future Project
University of Cape Town
Cell: +27 82 906 8108
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I thought we got to choose whether or not we wanted to share are personal info... or am I wrong?
Good morning Jennifer
Upon investigating your concern, I would like to assure you that we have removed your details from our internal marketing list on 27 August 2009 and reassure you that no correspondence will be sent to you in the future.
As is our practice we followed the necessary procures with regards to contacting the Direct Marketing Association and checking to see if your name appeared as a do -not –mail. As your name didn’t appear, we went ahead and mailed you.
Your name was obtained from a reputable company specialising in the supplying of databases for direct marketing, and you should ensure that your name is lodged with this organisation as this is the recognised body that will hold your details and advise against any future communications.
Kind regards,
Dear Truworths,
Thank you for taking me off of your system.
I will be forwarding further complaints with the DMA. I did not even
know that they are privy to my details and may distribute them as they
please by default. Surely they need to ask for permission from
consumers that would like to opt-in by default!
However I understand this is not longer your issue.
Best Regards,
So this is all that Truworths can do for me. Fine. I understand.
What remains is the feeling of unease that anyone can get a hold of my information by default, unless i put myself on the do-not-mail list. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A LIST!!!
How is it legal for our personal details to be distributed like this BY DEFAULT?? The government has clearly allowed for this to take place. When has it become allowed for government to decide that our privacy is no longer important and that businesses can have our details in order to market their own stuff. SURELY should a consumer WANT to receive marketing information they can have the choice whether or not to OPT IN. Not be put on a list WITHOUT OUR KNOWLEDGE, and then be told upon inquiry that we had to CHOOSE to opt out!!!
This entire schpheel has been educational. I know now to go opt out with the Direct Marketing Association. However this just means that they won't send me annoying mail. It says nothing about deleting my information from their lists - it just puts me on another one.
On the one hand I accept that technology makes the transfer of information, personal or otherwise much more easily collected, shared and sold. I cannot deny that I'm loving most of the good stuff that's coming out of this technological advancement - faster computers, better phones... I do enjoy. However, I certainly hope that more effort is being put in by people in government and legal sectors in order to protect the consumers. Businesses make the effort to appeal to government for more rights in order to further their businesses. They will fight to get such like our personal details in order to do "direct marketing", but them having access to these details means that even more people do, leading to the even easier identity theft. Consumers not involved in these businesses just want to get on with their lives most of the time... Buy the products they need, go home, kiss their husbands and kids goodnight... Could we not keep it this way? Or consumers need to make and absolute, unanimous outcry, will things only change then? Isn't it the job of the government to protect the majority of people? Well we'd be safer without the added risk of leaking personal info thanks... I'm good without the adverts!!
Upon investigating your concern, I would like to assure you that we have removed your details from our internal marketing list on 27 August 2009 and reassure you that no correspondence will be sent to you in the future.
As is our practice we followed the necessary procures with regards to contacting the Direct Marketing Association and checking to see if your name appeared as a do -not –mail. As your name didn’t appear, we went ahead and mailed you.
Your name was obtained from a reputable company specialising in the supplying of databases for direct marketing, and you should ensure that your name is lodged with this organisation as this is the recognised body that will hold your details and advise against any future communications.
Kind regards,
Dear Truworths,
Thank you for taking me off of your system.
I will be forwarding further complaints with the DMA. I did not even
know that they are privy to my details and may distribute them as they
please by default. Surely they need to ask for permission from
consumers that would like to opt-in by default!
However I understand this is not longer your issue.
Best Regards,
So this is all that Truworths can do for me. Fine. I understand.
What remains is the feeling of unease that anyone can get a hold of my information by default, unless i put myself on the do-not-mail list. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A LIST!!!
How is it legal for our personal details to be distributed like this BY DEFAULT?? The government has clearly allowed for this to take place. When has it become allowed for government to decide that our privacy is no longer important and that businesses can have our details in order to market their own stuff. SURELY should a consumer WANT to receive marketing information they can have the choice whether or not to OPT IN. Not be put on a list WITHOUT OUR KNOWLEDGE, and then be told upon inquiry that we had to CHOOSE to opt out!!!
This entire schpheel has been educational. I know now to go opt out with the Direct Marketing Association. However this just means that they won't send me annoying mail. It says nothing about deleting my information from their lists - it just puts me on another one.
On the one hand I accept that technology makes the transfer of information, personal or otherwise much more easily collected, shared and sold. I cannot deny that I'm loving most of the good stuff that's coming out of this technological advancement - faster computers, better phones... I do enjoy. However, I certainly hope that more effort is being put in by people in government and legal sectors in order to protect the consumers. Businesses make the effort to appeal to government for more rights in order to further their businesses. They will fight to get such like our personal details in order to do "direct marketing", but them having access to these details means that even more people do, leading to the even easier identity theft. Consumers not involved in these businesses just want to get on with their lives most of the time... Buy the products they need, go home, kiss their husbands and kids goodnight... Could we not keep it this way? Or consumers need to make and absolute, unanimous outcry, will things only change then? Isn't it the job of the government to protect the majority of people? Well we'd be safer without the added risk of leaking personal info thanks... I'm good without the adverts!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Business, Technology, Privacy, Service.
I target Truworths in this post because this is my personal experience, but I have spoken to some friends who have had similar experiences with other companies. Joy. I do love the way technology adds to my life, I won't for a second bother imagining my life without my cellphone and laptop - what's the point? There would Be no life...
This is still an ongoing event, so there is no final conclusion at the end of this post, however so far my attentions has been drawn to two points 1) Our personal details are much more easily available than I’d thought, and 2) bad service just keeps slapping me on the ass. Even if I was into S&M this wouldn't be fun...
So I get home one day and receive a Truworths card in my mail. Wtf? People need to go through credit checks to get these cards... how the F did they get that information on me, as well as my home and post box address no less! Realization 1.
So I decide to write them a letter:
Dear Truworths,
>
> How did you get my personal information in order to send me a Truworths card?
> Unlike what you may think, I am indeed NOT delighted that I can now
> get clothing on credit from your stores. In fact I am ANGRY that you
> may 1) think that you can decide for me that I’d like a Truworths
> card, and 2) that you have means to access my personal information in
> order to send me a card!
>
> Of course I never need to use this card, however the fact remains that
> you have gained access to my personal information somehow and I demand
> to know how that is allowed. Should you be purchasing or sharing such
> information from other companies, I demand to know which ones so that
> I may take it up with them too. I feel that my privacy has been
> violated and I am absolutely appalled at your audacity to think that
> you can make decisions like this for people. I’ve shopped with you
> less than 5 times in my life, and this will make that the finite
> number of times that I will indeed shop with you.
Regards,
I think it was pretty clear what I wanted to know and why. Right?
So then why did I get this response back?
On Wed, Aug 26, 2009 at 9:29 AM, CallCentre wrote:
>
> Good day to you
>
> Thank you for your e-mail and for the opportunity to respond to you.
>
> Please supply me with your id number for me to check if we have sent you an account in the post.If we have ,then you have been selected as part of our ongoing strategy to identify people ,who we feel would see value in Truworths account offer and who conduct their retail accounts well.
>
> Hope to hear from your soon.
>
> Kind regards
> *I won't name her*
> Customer Service Consultant
SUrely. SURELY people should read and understand a letter before sending through a reply? What is the point of employing Customer service consultants if they don't provide any useful service?? Realization 2.
Of course, needing to point that out, I responded promptly:
Dear Truworths,
Please consider the response you have given me "you have been selected as part of our ongoing strategy to identify people, who we feel would see value in Truworths account offer and who conduct their retail accounts well", and relate that to my original complaint "I feel that my privacy has been violated and I am absolutely appalled at your audacity to think that you can make decisions like this for people." You have been completely unhelpful.
I certainly see no need to give you my id number; you already have it, along with my credit history, home and post box addresses. In case you want to check that I indeed have one of your cards, the number on the card that you have given me is xxx xxx xxxx xxxx. You can now link that to the rest of my life.
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS HOW YOU HAVE ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL INFORMATION WITHOUT MY CONSENT IN ORDER TO "SELECT" ME AS A PART OF YOUR "ONGOING STRATEGY". I GAVE NO SUCH PERMISSION FOR YOU TO INCLUDE ME IN THIS STRATEGY!!! I REITERATE: I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW YOU GET ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL INFORMATION AND WHO YOU GET IT FROM. I ALSO DEMAND TO KNOW WHO ELSE HAS ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION!! I am appalled and disgusted at the audacity of your company to think that you can make decisions for people by including them in a "strategy".
And now I wait to hear back from them again.
Yes, I know I’m making a deal out of this. I Could really just break the card and chuck it away. But I’m really interested to know. who else has access to my personal details? Yes, we've all heard horror stories, and have obviously watched movies about bad guys or the FBI being able to either hack or are given authority to get your entire background. But there are few hackers who'd bother, and the FBI doesn't really pester us in this country, so I’ve never seriously thought much about my privacy issues unless I’m paying by credit card online - and then I’m assuming that they use really good encryption to keep my info there safe. But it appears that things like my id number and my home address are out there, floating about, ready to be used by anyone. This information could easily lead to everything else that I have on record. It is potentially very dangerous. It’s identity theft made easy!
And the service consultant simply says that I have been selected as part of a "strategy". Way to make Anyone want to shop there ever again.
Quit your job lady. There's got to be something else you're better at. Something you'd actually enjoy doing. I feel bad for you sitting behind that keyboard.
This is still an ongoing event, so there is no final conclusion at the end of this post, however so far my attentions has been drawn to two points 1) Our personal details are much more easily available than I’d thought, and 2) bad service just keeps slapping me on the ass. Even if I was into S&M this wouldn't be fun...
So I get home one day and receive a Truworths card in my mail. Wtf? People need to go through credit checks to get these cards... how the F did they get that information on me, as well as my home and post box address no less! Realization 1.
So I decide to write them a letter:
Dear Truworths,
>
> How did you get my personal information in order to send me a Truworths card?
> Unlike what you may think, I am indeed NOT delighted that I can now
> get clothing on credit from your stores. In fact I am ANGRY that you
> may 1) think that you can decide for me that I’d like a Truworths
> card, and 2) that you have means to access my personal information in
> order to send me a card!
>
> Of course I never need to use this card, however the fact remains that
> you have gained access to my personal information somehow and I demand
> to know how that is allowed. Should you be purchasing or sharing such
> information from other companies, I demand to know which ones so that
> I may take it up with them too. I feel that my privacy has been
> violated and I am absolutely appalled at your audacity to think that
> you can make decisions like this for people. I’ve shopped with you
> less than 5 times in my life, and this will make that the finite
> number of times that I will indeed shop with you.
Regards,
I think it was pretty clear what I wanted to know and why. Right?
So then why did I get this response back?
On Wed, Aug 26, 2009 at 9:29 AM, CallCentre
>
> Good day to you
>
> Thank you for your e-mail and for the opportunity to respond to you.
>
> Please supply me with your id number for me to check if we have sent you an account in the post.If we have ,then you have been selected as part of our ongoing strategy to identify people ,who we feel would see value in Truworths account offer and who conduct their retail accounts well.
>
> Hope to hear from your soon.
>
> Kind regards
> *I won't name her*
> Customer Service Consultant
SUrely. SURELY people should read and understand a letter before sending through a reply? What is the point of employing Customer service consultants if they don't provide any useful service?? Realization 2.
Of course, needing to point that out, I responded promptly:
Dear Truworths,
Please consider the response you have given me "you have been selected as part of our ongoing strategy to identify people, who we feel would see value in Truworths account offer and who conduct their retail accounts well", and relate that to my original complaint "I feel that my privacy has been violated and I am absolutely appalled at your audacity to think that you can make decisions like this for people." You have been completely unhelpful.
I certainly see no need to give you my id number; you already have it, along with my credit history, home and post box addresses. In case you want to check that I indeed have one of your cards, the number on the card that you have given me is xxx xxx xxxx xxxx. You can now link that to the rest of my life.
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS HOW YOU HAVE ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL INFORMATION WITHOUT MY CONSENT IN ORDER TO "SELECT" ME AS A PART OF YOUR "ONGOING STRATEGY". I GAVE NO SUCH PERMISSION FOR YOU TO INCLUDE ME IN THIS STRATEGY!!! I REITERATE: I DEMAND TO KNOW HOW YOU GET ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL INFORMATION AND WHO YOU GET IT FROM. I ALSO DEMAND TO KNOW WHO ELSE HAS ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION!! I am appalled and disgusted at the audacity of your company to think that you can make decisions for people by including them in a "strategy".
And now I wait to hear back from them again.
Yes, I know I’m making a deal out of this. I Could really just break the card and chuck it away. But I’m really interested to know. who else has access to my personal details? Yes, we've all heard horror stories, and have obviously watched movies about bad guys or the FBI being able to either hack or are given authority to get your entire background. But there are few hackers who'd bother, and the FBI doesn't really pester us in this country, so I’ve never seriously thought much about my privacy issues unless I’m paying by credit card online - and then I’m assuming that they use really good encryption to keep my info there safe. But it appears that things like my id number and my home address are out there, floating about, ready to be used by anyone. This information could easily lead to everything else that I have on record. It is potentially very dangerous. It’s identity theft made easy!
And the service consultant simply says that I have been selected as part of a "strategy". Way to make Anyone want to shop there ever again.
Quit your job lady. There's got to be something else you're better at. Something you'd actually enjoy doing. I feel bad for you sitting behind that keyboard.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Conversations with a Girl friend: Relationships and Mindgames
Do you Seriously, SERIOUSLY believe that mind-games assists in keeping your relationship going?
Are the qualities that i look for in a romantic relationship that different from yours?
In a romantic relationship I seek:
fun,
companionship,
great sex,
someone who keeps me in mind when he makes a decision that may involve me in the slightest - because I'm a part of his life that he takes into consideration,
someone for which I'd go out of my way to make their lives easier and better, because he enriches my life by loving me, and teaches me what it feels like to love someone back.
intelligence,
clarity of thought/logic,
ambition/knowing what he wants,
As far as I'm concerned, trust and good communication goes without saying most of the time, but i need to highlight something here - GOOD COMMUNICATION.
What do You look for?
Playing mind games is based on the assumption that the partners do not know what the other could possibly be thinking, and the partners keep each other guessing, which by definition is Bad Communication. Now, this could be fun if it were sex games and whether or not the partners guessed the correct thoughts, the outcome would be pleasurable. However, if guessing wrong could lead to negative and possibly serious consequences, that's just stupid.
Why go LOOKING for problems? Why go ADDING to them? Do you REALLY have nothing else to do with your time?
If the person you're with is so boring that you need to play mind games in order to create some semblance of mystery and stay interested in each other, you've Certainly found the wrong person, and should really be concentrating on finding someone who you'd want to spend Actual time talking to, someone who wants to make your life Better, Easier... that someone's life who You would like to ADD to...
Bad communication means that there is a super high probability that you're both on different pages, leading you to make decisions are not mutually beneficial. How does that make your lives better? how does that make your lives easier? Or is this kind of misunderstanding and drama what you're actually looking for in a relationship? Do you actually enjoy complaining to your friends about how your man/woman just does not understand you, does not know to buy flowers, or do your laundry along with his? Because i can tell you this - friends get lank tired of that kind of jabber. Lank, LANK tired.
If you need misunderstandings and that kind of drama so much that you are playing games in order to make them happen, well power to you for making what you want happen. But please don't pull me in to try guess what he's thinking. He probably does not know What to think because you're not telling him anything, and all of this is just a waste of time. yours, his, and most importantly MINE! Maybe you have nothing better to with your time, but i certainly have other things to do with Mine.
Maybe you'd call me a bad friend because i won't listen to this type of your troubles. However, if you were wrongfully accused for a crime i will be there to bail you out for sure. But paying games that aren't fun is a futile effort. And anyone who knows me knows that i do Not believe in those.
Mind games are a no. Be honest. Be simple. Be happy.
Are the qualities that i look for in a romantic relationship that different from yours?
In a romantic relationship I seek:
fun,
companionship,
great sex,
someone who keeps me in mind when he makes a decision that may involve me in the slightest - because I'm a part of his life that he takes into consideration,
someone for which I'd go out of my way to make their lives easier and better, because he enriches my life by loving me, and teaches me what it feels like to love someone back.
intelligence,
clarity of thought/logic,
ambition/knowing what he wants,
As far as I'm concerned, trust and good communication goes without saying most of the time, but i need to highlight something here - GOOD COMMUNICATION.
What do You look for?
Playing mind games is based on the assumption that the partners do not know what the other could possibly be thinking, and the partners keep each other guessing, which by definition is Bad Communication. Now, this could be fun if it were sex games and whether or not the partners guessed the correct thoughts, the outcome would be pleasurable. However, if guessing wrong could lead to negative and possibly serious consequences, that's just stupid.
Why go LOOKING for problems? Why go ADDING to them? Do you REALLY have nothing else to do with your time?
If the person you're with is so boring that you need to play mind games in order to create some semblance of mystery and stay interested in each other, you've Certainly found the wrong person, and should really be concentrating on finding someone who you'd want to spend Actual time talking to, someone who wants to make your life Better, Easier... that someone's life who You would like to ADD to...
Bad communication means that there is a super high probability that you're both on different pages, leading you to make decisions are not mutually beneficial. How does that make your lives better? how does that make your lives easier? Or is this kind of misunderstanding and drama what you're actually looking for in a relationship? Do you actually enjoy complaining to your friends about how your man/woman just does not understand you, does not know to buy flowers, or do your laundry along with his? Because i can tell you this - friends get lank tired of that kind of jabber. Lank, LANK tired.
If you need misunderstandings and that kind of drama so much that you are playing games in order to make them happen, well power to you for making what you want happen. But please don't pull me in to try guess what he's thinking. He probably does not know What to think because you're not telling him anything, and all of this is just a waste of time. yours, his, and most importantly MINE! Maybe you have nothing better to with your time, but i certainly have other things to do with Mine.
Maybe you'd call me a bad friend because i won't listen to this type of your troubles. However, if you were wrongfully accused for a crime i will be there to bail you out for sure. But paying games that aren't fun is a futile effort. And anyone who knows me knows that i do Not believe in those.
Mind games are a no. Be honest. Be simple. Be happy.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Being South African is apparently not enough to be welcome in South Africa
Dear O R Tambo International Airport
My name is Jennifer Hsieh. I am a Masters student studying Neurophysiology at the University of Cape Town. I write to you with deep regret and absolute disappointment, and being an airport that holds service in high regard, I know that you will hear my story out.
Recently, I was fortunate enough to go on a month trip to the USA, where I travelled the States of Kentucky, Florida, as well as spend time in Manhattan New York. I had learnt much on my travels, and certainly glad to have seen so much of the “Beautiful Country” that America is called in Mandarin. However, as great a country America is, I kept thinking, well, SA isn’t so bad. In fact, after making several comparisons, I was proud to say that I am happily South African. This country is full of culture, full of strength, and behind each face that I’ve met here, there has been such struggle, which give this country much character. I have lived here my whole life, and I love the life that I have and am still building. I could not wait to come home. When the plane landed on the morning of 7 August, my eyes brimmed with tears I was so elated.
I hurried off the plane with my maximum amount of hand luggage allowed, and headed toward Passport Control and stood in the line, still happy – A little line didn’t bug me at all because I was HOME! After a 14 hour flight and a month away that only strengthened my love for this country, I was smiling at everyone around me. As I walked up to booth 13 of Passport Control, it was 9am. The gentleman looked at me and asked me where I was from. I handed him my SA passport, and said with a huge smile, “I’m South African, I’m so happy to be HOME :D“, he shook his head, taking my passport and asked me again, “Where are you from?”, so I thought that perhaps he wanted to know where I just came from, and I replied “Oh, um, New York, I just came from JFK”. I’d figured that my smile would let him know that I’d had a good trip. By then he had stamped my passport and upon closing he said to me, without humour, “No. You are from Taiwan. You were only Naturalized in South Africa”, and with that he dismissed me by handing me my passport.
I was completely taken aback. And as I walked away, I was completely speechless. In all my 22 years, there have been few times that I have been this insulted. I am a proud South African. I defend this country when I’m abroad, whether in the USA, or in other Asian countries where I’ve certainly been met with countless criticisms about staying here. I fight with my parents and defend the potential and the worth of this country as they criticize. Not to mention other less proud South Africans who didn’t bother to vote, I fought them too, imploring them to take a stand, to use their voice, to make a difference... I participate in various student leadership roles, largely for driving community service programs in order to improve less advantaged schools, volunteering and rallying up further volunteers to tutor less advantaged students on weekends, leading committees of students to help me with these causes. I do this because I believe that South Africa can be improved through education, and since I’m an avid scholar, this is the best way in which I can make a contribution. In however small a way I can, I try.
But apparently loving and working and fighting for this country is not enough to deserve a welcome back, because I am “only naturalized in South Africa”. I’d thought we have worked past all of the idiocies of racism, at least at the GATES of this country will we show that the majority of us have learnt from our history and would now like to work to make this country a better place? That the men at our gates do not take one look at my Asian skin and tell me that I do not deserve to be welcome in my country! What reason do I have to carry on working for and loving this place if it clearly does not want me to be here? I don’t chase after a man that does not love me back, and the same applies for South Africa.
South Africa complains about the “brain drain”. Well the men at our gates are not making any effort to make us feel welcome enough to stay.
My name is Jennifer Hsieh. I am a Masters student studying Neurophysiology at the University of Cape Town. I write to you with deep regret and absolute disappointment, and being an airport that holds service in high regard, I know that you will hear my story out.
Recently, I was fortunate enough to go on a month trip to the USA, where I travelled the States of Kentucky, Florida, as well as spend time in Manhattan New York. I had learnt much on my travels, and certainly glad to have seen so much of the “Beautiful Country” that America is called in Mandarin. However, as great a country America is, I kept thinking, well, SA isn’t so bad. In fact, after making several comparisons, I was proud to say that I am happily South African. This country is full of culture, full of strength, and behind each face that I’ve met here, there has been such struggle, which give this country much character. I have lived here my whole life, and I love the life that I have and am still building. I could not wait to come home. When the plane landed on the morning of 7 August, my eyes brimmed with tears I was so elated.
I hurried off the plane with my maximum amount of hand luggage allowed, and headed toward Passport Control and stood in the line, still happy – A little line didn’t bug me at all because I was HOME! After a 14 hour flight and a month away that only strengthened my love for this country, I was smiling at everyone around me. As I walked up to booth 13 of Passport Control, it was 9am. The gentleman looked at me and asked me where I was from. I handed him my SA passport, and said with a huge smile, “I’m South African, I’m so happy to be HOME :D“, he shook his head, taking my passport and asked me again, “Where are you from?”, so I thought that perhaps he wanted to know where I just came from, and I replied “Oh, um, New York, I just came from JFK”. I’d figured that my smile would let him know that I’d had a good trip. By then he had stamped my passport and upon closing he said to me, without humour, “No. You are from Taiwan. You were only Naturalized in South Africa”, and with that he dismissed me by handing me my passport.
I was completely taken aback. And as I walked away, I was completely speechless. In all my 22 years, there have been few times that I have been this insulted. I am a proud South African. I defend this country when I’m abroad, whether in the USA, or in other Asian countries where I’ve certainly been met with countless criticisms about staying here. I fight with my parents and defend the potential and the worth of this country as they criticize. Not to mention other less proud South Africans who didn’t bother to vote, I fought them too, imploring them to take a stand, to use their voice, to make a difference... I participate in various student leadership roles, largely for driving community service programs in order to improve less advantaged schools, volunteering and rallying up further volunteers to tutor less advantaged students on weekends, leading committees of students to help me with these causes. I do this because I believe that South Africa can be improved through education, and since I’m an avid scholar, this is the best way in which I can make a contribution. In however small a way I can, I try.
But apparently loving and working and fighting for this country is not enough to deserve a welcome back, because I am “only naturalized in South Africa”. I’d thought we have worked past all of the idiocies of racism, at least at the GATES of this country will we show that the majority of us have learnt from our history and would now like to work to make this country a better place? That the men at our gates do not take one look at my Asian skin and tell me that I do not deserve to be welcome in my country! What reason do I have to carry on working for and loving this place if it clearly does not want me to be here? I don’t chase after a man that does not love me back, and the same applies for South Africa.
South Africa complains about the “brain drain”. Well the men at our gates are not making any effort to make us feel welcome enough to stay.
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